Monday Morning Humor

Thanks to Tomas for this joke:
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects:

* a Bible,
* a silver dollar, and
* a bottle of whiskey.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too . But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his ro om. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "he's gonna be a Congressman!"

and one from my Mom

MY PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING!

I don't do windows because ...
I love birds
and don't want one to run into a clean window
and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because ...
I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt
then I'll feel terrible( plus they may sue me.)

I don't mind the dust bunnies because ...
They are very good company, I have named most of them,
and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because .
I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't Spring Clean because .
I love all the seasons and don't want the others
to get jealous

I don't pull weeds
in the garden because ..
I don't want to get in God's way,
HE is an excellent designer!

I don't put things away because ...
My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals
when I entertain because I don't want my guests
to stress out over what to make when they invite me
over for dinner.

I don't iron because ...
I choose to believe them
when they say "Permanent Press".

I don't stress much on anything because .
"A Type" personalities die young
and I want to stick around
and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!

Also from Tomas: Why Dogs Bite People: