Monday, March 17, 2008

Blue Monday

It's Monday, and if I had not been unfairly treated, by a very spiteful and vindictive boss, I would be in the Washington area right now at the meeting that I planned. But, unfortunately, in the "real world", bosses are not what they should be, other people are more concerned about their own future and careers than they are of yours, and so, you are stuck, cleaning the ... out of everything as Kurt Vonnegut would say. So, what do you do when someone punishes you unfairly? It has given me a much better perspective on what not to do as a manager--the lesson I seem to learn on a daily basis at my current job. Do you file an EEO grievance--I'm older, white, and a woman? Do you find ways to get revenge, do you just let it go, and move on--the mature thing to do. I am working toward the latter, since I don't think it would really make a difference to do anything else--and, you get branded as a problem child. Why is it that the managers of the world, who shouldn't even be managers, get away with everything--they have the power. That's what caused the problem in the first place--power--they have it, they abuse it, they think they are justified in their behavior.
And no one can tell them otherwise. No one cares enough to say, Heh, you .... up, and you don't know what you are doing. But, so it goes. Good thing I've got only a few years until I can retire and turn back to a real world, with real people--providing a real service, not playing politics, trying to get ahead, and stepping on everybody as I go. I guess I never learned to play the game, or it is, I just refused to play the game. Not on their terms, not their way, not at the expense of others. Guess, I'm just a product of the 70's and can't lower myself to the standards of today.

Probably will make some people mad by writing this, but guess what, none of the people who should read this and reexamine their management style will ever "stoop" to read a blog.

So, I have vented, and I'm not sure I feel better, but so it goes. Sometimes it takes a period of time before the efforts have an effect.

For my fans, thank you for being there--you know who you are. For my enemies, it would probably be better if you did visit this site--you might learn something. For me,
good night, and may the force be with you.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Friends

Since I almost always start a post with lyrics from a song, can't stop now. I was thinking the other day about some of the people I work with--not the folks in my office, but the folks out in the field that I correspond with, talk to on the phone, and occasionally get to visit. Over the last three years, these business partners have become my friends, real friends, the kind you can vent to and share joys and sorrow with. When my Dad died almost two years ago, my business friends shared in my sorrow. When my daughter had twins, they shared in my joys, and worries. Although they are far away, I think about them every day and appreciate how wonderful they all are. Some of them have moved into different positions, meaning that I don't have as much contact as before, but even those folks stay in touch. So to all of my wonderful friends out there, across the country, I dedicate this song to you.

Bette Midler - You've Got To Have Friends



And I am all alone
There is no one here beside me
And my problems have all gone
There is no one to deride me

But you got to have friends
The feeling's oh so strong
You go to have friends
To make that day last long
I had some friends but their gone
Someone came and took them away
And from the dusk till the dawn
Here is where I'll stay

Standing at the end of the road, boys
Waiting for my new friends to come
I don't care if I'm hungry or bored
I'm gonna get me some of them

Cause you got to have friends
La la la la la la la la la
Friends, I said you,
Oh you, yeah you, I said
You got to have some Friends
Something about friends
Just right friends
Friends, friends, friends

I had some friends oh but they're all gone, gone
Someone came and snatched them away
And from the dusk until the very dawn
You know here is where I gotta stay
Here is where I gotta stay
And I'm standing at the end of a real long road
And I'm waiting for my new friends to come
I don't care if I'm hungry or freezing cold
I'm gonna get me some of them

Cause you got to have friends
That's right friends
Friends,….I gotta see my, I gotta see my
I gotta see all of my friends, friends
Friends, friends, friends
Ohhh

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

What the World Needs Now

I know I date myself when I use the lyrics from an old song, "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of". Seems like it has been forever since I wrote in my blog. It served its purpose at the time, and then I didn't need it anymore. For me, it was a vent, a place to express feelings that I couldn't express with co-workers or family. Lately, at work, it has been difficult, and again, it is something that I can't discuss with co-workers-because again, they are adding to my angst. And my family gets tired of hearing the same old story, so maybe it is time to blog again.

I listened to a very interesting web seminar the other day with a speaker from MTV talking about ways to advertise to youth. It seems that the youth of today are all about creativity, and sharing their creativity with others, through their myspace pages, their web sites, sites where they can create a t-shirt and have people vote on the best shirt. The third part of the triangle was that the teens of today want validation. When they post a picture on their myspace page, they want their friends to comment on it. And, they will get mad if their friends don't get around to posting a comment when they have updated a page or site. They were talking about teens, but does that really apply to all of us?

If you wander through the blogs even on this blog site, and go next blog, next blog, etc, and see the blogs from all over the world, and from those that are trying to be creative, and from those that are trying to be validated--and many of these people are not teens, so is it that we are all looking for that validation--is it that we don't get enough of it in our day-to-day personal life that we look for it from strangers that might stop and linger on our blog?

When I first started my blog, I did try to actively recruit people to come to my blog, see my pictures, read my ramblings and comment on them. Even though I went to their sites, commented on their stories, or photos, or life learnings, not many of them reciprocated the favor and came to my site, and commented. I felt betrayed, and sad that I guess I wasn't interesting enough with my stories of far away lands, my connection to songs, my beautiful flower pictures to drum up even a small following of loyal stranded in atlanta readers. I must say that my most loyal fan was from one out west, who read my blog religiously.

There should be a standard operating procedure manual for blogs--How to win friends and influence enemies--how to get people to come to read your machinations, ooh over your latest flower, dog, or cat photo, become your friend for life.

So, in the interim, I will occasionally ramble back to my homepage, and put my feelings down on paper for no one but myself to read, and ponder why.

If you do happen to linger here, and see anything worthy of comment--whether good or bad, it will be appreciated. I need my validation, too, me
someone way past teens, we are all human, and we all need some of the same things.

"Love, sweet love", not just the kind in the song, but the pat on the back, the squeeze of the shoulder, the nod or acknowledgement that we are all in this together, and we aren't alone.

So, my salute to Jackie DeShannon and her song.
Original lyrics by Hal David,
music composed by Burt Bacharach.

"What the world needs now
is love, sweet love
it's the only thing
that there's just too little of
What the world needs now
is love, sweet love,
no not just for some
but for everyone.

Lord, we don't need
another mountain,
there are mountains
and hillsides enough to climb
There are oceans
and rivers enough to cross,
enough to last
'til the end of time.

What the world needs now
is love, sweet love
it's the only thing
that there's just too little of
What the world needs now
is love, sweet love,
no, not just for some
but for everyone.

Lord, we don't need
another meadow
there are cornfields
and wheat fields enough to grow
There are sunbeams
and moonbeams enough to shine
oh listen, lord,
if you want to know.

What the world needs now
is love, sweet love
it's the only thing
that there's just too little of
What the world needs now
is love, sweet love,
no, not just for some
but for everyone.

No, not just for some,
oh, but just for everyone."

Monday, February 26, 2007

In Memory of Michael



One truth in life is that Parents shouldn't outlive their children. You can't watch them grow from tiny babies, to toddlers, to tweens, to twenties and then let them go. Even those of us who were on the sidelines, not as biological parents, but as surrogate parents, at least for a time find the pain hard to handle, and it is only a small fraction of the pain that is felt.

One such surrogate child of mine died two weeks ago. I only found out recently, because I am sure his dad had a horrendously hard time saying those words over and over to the many friends that had been part of Michael's short 20 years. Michael as one news article said, "died doing what he enjoyed best". He was out hiking when he slipped, fell and didn't make it back. I knew him in those formative years, from around eight-twelve. We watched TV together, cross-country skied, played games, jumped on the trampoline, and he and my younger children ran all over that wonderful country home where Michael grew up. There were elk, deer, turkeys, bears, and streams and ponds for fishing. There was a big old barn to explore, and a hot tub for hanging out.

Over the years, we had less time to go and visit, and then,we moved back east, and we lost touch with Michael and his family. I will always remember Michael the way he was then, tow-headed, always reading, in love with the computer, and a very sweet and caring kid.

Thanks for the great memories, and being my surrogate son, if only for a while. You will be missed.

I found this song, by the Celtic Women to be especially appropriate for the occasion

"When the light begins to fade,
And shadows fall across the sea,
One bright star in the evening sky,
Your love’s light leads me on my way.

There’s a dream that will not sleep,
A burning hope that will not die,
So I must go now with the wind,
And leave you waiting on the tide.

Time to fly, time to touch the sky.
One voice alone - a haunting cry.
One song, one star burning bright,
Let it carry me through darkest night.

Rain comes over the grey hills,
And on the air, a soft goodbye.
Hear the song that I sing to you,
When the time has come to fly.

When I leave and take the wing,
And find the land that fate will bring,
The brightest star in the evening sky,
Is your love waiting far for me."
- Celtic Woman

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Tied to the Whipping Post

I been run down, I been lied to,
I dont know why I let that mean woman make me a fool.
She took all my money, wrecked my new car.
Now shes with one of my goodtime buddies,
Theyre drinkin in some crosstown bar.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I been tied to the whipping post,
Tied to the whipping post,
Tied to the whipping post,
Good lord, I feel like Im dyin.

This is what being a manager feels like these days. I still wonder why I ever said I would be a manager even if it's only an acting position. There is no thanks, only heartache and heart break. How could someone who has made an effort out of being late, playing games on the computer at work, gone around stabbing people in the back think that they should get a good review. Why is it that nowdays people don't think they have to work for good reviews, just show up-sit in their chair, and expect the world to be served up on a silver platter. I've had it, and I'm tired of it, and I'm not going to take it anymore.

What does that mean exactly, I don't know.

So, if someone knows how to break the chains and be set free, let me know.

Until then,

Me in Hellanta.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

"I'm a Survivor"-Tribute to the Community of Angoon

I was born a believer, biggest dreamer this world has ever seen
Ready to face most anything but learn that I was naive
Ran into things in life that I never planned
But that's made me who I am
I've had highs and lows and seen my share of ups and downs
There's been nights it seemed there wasn't a friend to be found
I've had to save myself from drowning in a sea of tears.
But I'm still here

('Cause) I, I'm a survivor
I won't let it get the best of me, I'll try my very best to be that strong
Oh, oh, oh, I, I'm a survivor
And I'll never give up, never let out, never give in
I'll just keep moving on

Oh
I was taught that honesty was simply the only way
I've spoken honestly and had it blow up in my face
Sometimes I look around and I don't know what I see
But I gotta believe in God above and what he's made me

No
I've witnessed pride and ego destroy the kindest of hearts
Seen how greed can take the best of friends and tear them apart
Every corner, every turn, every lesson I have learned
Has helped me find my way

I, I'm a survivor
I won't let it get the best of me, I'll try my very best to be that strong
Oh, oh, oh, I, I'm a survivor
And I'll never give up, never let out, never give in
I'll never give up, never let out, never give in
Oh no I'll, I'll never give up, never let out, never give in
I'll just keep moving on
I'm a survivor
Oh yes I am

In the previous post, I talked about my floatplane trip to Angoon-a small community of Alaska Natives in Southeast Alaska--reachable only by boat, float plane, or the barge that visits with supplies. We ate lunch at the Senior Center, where we talked to several community members. One of the women talked about her life, including her experience with a brain aneurysm (sp)which the doctors had told her family would leave her unable to walk, talk, --just put her in a nursing home the doctors told her family. Well, thankfully her family didn't listen to the docs, and took her home to Anchorage to help her recuperate. Other than a limp, and a tendency to repeat herself, you would never know she had gone through such a devastating experience. She talked about the fact that for a long time she had no memory, and she would ask her family--how long was she in the hospital, how long was the surgery, etc. And now, she is back in her home, with her family--several of her brothers, sisters, and in-laws were at the Senior Center with her--a tribute to the determination of a family to take care of one of their own.

We visited the Superintendent's office, where he talked about he was having to really fight with the State Board of Education to get all of the needs met of this very rural school system. He was determined enough to file all of the paperwork to get permission for the school to use subsistence foods to supplement the food the school can afford to buy to feed the kids. This way people can donate fish and game to help supplement the school menu. One person donated 50 pounds of moose meat, but because there are no moose in this part of Alaska, the meat was unfamiliar to many of the students. He was trying to make it possible to feed the kids three meals a day, because in some households there is not enough food to go around.

We talked with the Behavioral Health Counsellor who takes kids of flashlight hikes in the winter because he doesn't have to worry about being chased by the grizzlies.

We talked with the Senior Center Director who was able to get a grant to provide material for projects for the Seniors and other to sew--She had beaded the most beautiful raven for a vest--she was able to capture the vibrancy and iridescence of the raven's feathers. It became such a popular program that she was having to open the center 7 days a week in the evening. When she almost went blind due to an allergy to eye drops, she had to slow down.

How many of us could survive in this world? Would choose to go and help--like the teachers and clinic staff (one teacher had been there 12 years). So to all of the folks that have given of themselves to be there for others, giving up a lot of the modern comforts, I salute you. You are the "ultimate survivors".

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

Well, after my two week vacation in Alaska where it rained all but 2 days, I was hoping my work trip to Alaska would be different--and, I did see the sun, something that hasn't happened much in Sitka this summer. They call it the summer that wasn't. Even the greenhouses have been having problems--not enough sun to warm up the greenhouses, things have been rotting on the vine.

I can say that other than the travel to get there--basically took 13 hours, especially with a delay out of Atlanta-the co-pilot's seat broke, and a delay in Ketchikan--a bird flew into the engine on landing, and the mechanic had to come from town--unfortunately, the airport is located on an island, and the only way to get to the airport is by a ferry that only runs so often that I had a great time. (Is this a run or sentence or what?)

I was picked up at the airport that evening by my program person and her daughter, invited to dinner to meet the rest of her family which included her husband, older daughter and their rescued dog--amazing how many folks I know these days have dogs from rescue outfits--including my own Border Collie (that's another story too).

Had a great time, then was dropped off at the bed and breakfast where I stayed for the rest of the week. Absolutely beautiful place-and the owner had everything imaginable ready there, down to the magnifying mirror in the bathroom so that I could see to put my makeup on in the mornings. It was one of the nicest places I have ever stayed, and the breakfasts were amazing. Even though I was the only guest, she would get up every morning and make baked eggs, or french toast, or other creative offerings--always accompanied by fruit, yoguart, coffee, juice, and one morning, reindeer sausage. She had a library of books on Alaska that was amazing, a DVD/Video collection to check out, including Alaskan videos, and a CD collection that was out of this world. In each room there was a BOSE stereo system, with mood music and relaxation music ready to help lull you to sleep with the sound of fountains and a pond with a waterful outside your window. Other than dealing with the time change, I had no problem getting to sleep.

The second day I had the great opportunity of taking a float plane ride to the small tribal community of Angoon. WHAT an adventure. The ride over was great--we passed by mountains, glaciers, and just amazing scenery. When I get back home I will try to upload some of my pictures. We walked all over the small town from the highschool with 59 students in 7-12, to the small clinic, senior center, and general store. Of course it wasn't until after we had walked through the woods on several trails that they told me that the island we were on, Admiralty Island has more Grizzly Bears than almost anywhere in the world. Thanks a lot guys. They wanted to walk out to the dump to see if we saw any, saying that with three of us along we shouldn't be bothered--that's okay, if I was in a vehicle maybe, but not on foot.

We were told that there was a storm coming in, so we wouldn't be able to spend the night and would need to get back to Sitka that evening. Well, by the time the pilot came back for us, it was 5:30 and things were starting to go downhill fast. He tried to make it over the mountains, but the winds were gusting and the little plane wasn't making much progress, so he turned around and took the long way back--more along the waterways. It was still bumpy and pretty nervewracking for me with limited experience in small planes--I can say I was white knuckled on the back of the front seat, often with my eyes closed. But what great views (when I did have them openned) and what a great experience.

The next couple of days were spent in business meetings, but Thursday I was able to go out to the raptor center and see the birds that they fix up and then release, and the birds that are now permanent fixtures at the center because of their injuries.

well this enough for now>